School Bully Victims And Emotional Resilience
By Beverly Cotton
Sophia and Blanca (for the purposes of this article names are changed to protect identity), were first graders attending one of El Paso’s private schools in 2007. They had met in Kindergarten, became inseparable best friends and were about to become the victim’s of bullying. Who would have suspected bullying in the first grade and from another female first grade classmate? It happens more frequently than you think.
According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, a Federal resource for professionals, parents and youth working to prevent violence committed by and against young people, reports that almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bulling as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both.
Sophia and Blanca recounted their story as they sat in Sophia’s lavender painted bedroom, surrounded by stuffed toys, and the popular technical gadgets kids have including a bright purple ipod and a pink netbook.
“Just about everyday I was pushed in the back and sometimes she would kick at me if I would not leave the girls bathroom,” said Sophia. “She would yell at me that she wanted to be Blanca’s best friend and I should go away. Once she ran up to me and screamed in my face to go away forever.”
According to the girls, the majority of the taunting took place in the girl’s bathroom, and playground areas out of site far from the eyes of adults.
“Sophia and I were afraid to go to school,” said Blanca. “We begged our parents to let us stay home, or go to a different school. We told our teacher but she told us to give her a chance. So we invited her to play kick ball, but she just threw the ball at Sophia and ran and told the teacher we would not let her play with us. And that was not true.”
The bullying persisted and eventually the parents of both girls reported the problem to the Principal. After a six month period and several sessions with the bullying child’s parents that included recommending the parents seek a professional therapist for the child, the child was finally asked to leave the school.
“We hope we don’t ever have to go through that again,” said Blanca. “We want everyone to be nice.”
Garry Feldman, PH.D, Clinical Psychologist in private practice in El Paso has treated youth victims of bullying and reports that, “Bullies act tough in order to hide feelings of insecurity and self-loathing. I must first create a safe environment of trust in order to encourage a child victim of bullying to open up and express what they are feeling as a result of a bullying incident. I can then begin the process of helping the patient develop coping strategies, a sense of self and growth from the experience. It is not much different from Veteran’s returning home from war who is suffering from Post Traumatic Syndrome.”
One of Dr. Feldman’s techniques includes “quieting of the mind” through breathing meditation a method that assists patients in creating a sense of self and calm.
Dr. Feldman received his masters and doctorate from West Virginia University. He made El Paso his home and begin his practice in 1985. Originally from New Jersey, Dr. Feldman has had many opportunities to relocate to other cities but chose to raise his family here. “It’s the people and my professional relationships that have kept me and my family in El Paso. And of course our beautiful weather.”
Educating the community and creating an awareness of bullying through training has been a mission of El Paso’s Region 19 Head Start program, according to
Margarita Baca-Gomez, Assistant Director, Family, Health & Community. Ms. Gomez has worked for Region 19 Head Start for 22 years. She received her undergraduate and masters degrees from UTEP.
Head Start Centers for Pre-K ages three to four, have implemented curriculum for Administrators, teachers, students as well as parents to prevent bullying.
Ms. Gomez related that, “Second Step is a program on violence prevention curriculum for preschool and Kindergarten. This program was developed by the 2003 Committee for Children in Seattle, Washington.” Ms. Gomez emphasized, “The key to preventing bullying is parental involvement in every aspect of their child’s life, from creating a safe environment at home, where communication between the parent and the child is paramount. When there is a commitment by the school to end bullying, it significantly reduces the incidences of bullying. Training raises awareness about bullying and defines clear guidelines and expectations around what is acceptable behavior.”
Ms. Gomez recommends, “Parents instruct their children to seek out the adult in charge of the classroom, or activity and report any incidence of bullying immediately.”
When asked her opinion of the following statement: Parents are very overprotective these days; getting picked on by tougher kids and hassling weaker ones is just a part of growing up. It’s how they learn to deal with the real world. Do you agree with this statement?
“I do not agree with this statement,” said Ms. Gomez. “Parents are becoming more involved as they should. But part of growing up has nothing to do with living in a society where they fear going to school. There is a responsibility as a society to assure we promote a safe environment for our children. Parents are becoming aware of situations that they were not exposed to before as much as we are today. Before, we called a child that was aggressive a trouble maker, never a bully.”
According to Ms. Gomez, “It is a team effort by parents, teachers and administrators to prevent bullying. The earlier we deal with bullying behaviors, the greater the opportunity to modify those behaviors. Once bullying behavior has been identified the parent must take action to place the child in counseling. Preschool age is when the social and emotional skills are developing and the best time to modify bullying behaviors.”
Region 19 Head Start also has a lending library where books can be checked out to parents. Some recommended readings through Channing Bete Company on the subject of bullying can be purchased through their website at www.store.channing-bete.com.
Ms. Gomez is a devoted mother. “I am motivated by my three children and my husband of 25 years stated Ms. Gomez. Everything I do is driven by wanting to set a good example for my kids.”
Ms. Gomez and her family are native El Pasoans. “I have lived here all my life and have been blessed with tremendous opportunities.”
In El Paso, positive steps and programs are in place to reduce the incidences of bullying through the counseling of victims as well as through education and awareness during the critical years of social and emotional development.
